a LETTER from THE PAST

The following was written to my parents three weeks after my accident on April 1, 2009.  My mother recently found it in a pile of notes in her old Bible.  Considering I just got done teaching “You Are What You Keep,” Part 2 of our series Unbreakable ReSOULutions at my church, I am in awe of what the Holy Spirit guided me to write--that many years ago.  This is just a portion of the three-page letter:Dad and Mom:So where do I begin?  My mind races every moment of the day and I still have not completely come to understand how deep I have dug my ditch.  I feel like such a disgrace about my life.  Only 24 years old and I have brought unnecessary stress and sorrow to you and dad (and to the other family).  How did it get this out of control?  In the blink of an eye……My heart aches and I can’t even imagine how your hearts feel.  But I am alive for a reason, and I will come out of this several years from now and it will be like a blink of an eye.I used to pray to God asking Him to take my life if it’s His will and if my death would bring people to Him.  I always looked at Matt Lassor’s death and saw how it changed people and then John’s death.  I would pray that if my death would bring just one person to Him than it would be worth it.  BUT God obviously had His own plans. HIS WILL…God has all of this in His hands in His plans.  Nothing happens outside His sovereignty. NOTHING.  I will pay for my actions and in due time look back and know this event saved my life. I was living a double life heading for eternal destruction.  I am no longer on the fence…It feels like my life is over.  BUT NO.  My old life is over.  The old me is dead and gone.  Believe it or not, the song that was playing during the accident was called Dead and Gone by T.I. and it goes like this:I’ve been travelin on this road too long,

Just trying to find my way back home;

The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone….I can go on, but I wanted you and dad to know that although this situation is tragic and surreal, it will be used for the good of the kingdom of heaven. REAL TIME NOTE:  There were a lot more personal words for my parents in this letter, but they will remain private. The main point of reprinting portions of this letter was to highlight an Unbreakable ReSOULution that I made six years ago and renew each day as my knees hit the ground:“LORD, RECYCLE MY BAD FOR THE GOOD OF THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN.”