COME BACK to YOURSELF

Where have I been most of my young life thus far? I have been all over the country in my travels with soccer, from childhood as a novice player to adulthood as a professional athlete. I have been to so many great colleges and universities, visiting those campuses either for pleasure or sports-related activities. I have even lived in some beautiful cities in my day. But where have I been while being where I was? Now in prison, I realize that though I have been all over and claimed to be a man of faith, I made this claim when I was “beside myself.” I never fully understood that I was going through the motions in life spiritually and that there needed to be a catalyst that would bring me “back to myself.”  I found my way from here to there, but I was lost.This View Apart from my prison experience is not about “finding God in jail,” as so many say.  Unfortunately, nobody “finds” God, for He was never hiding.  That cliché of “finding God in prison” comes from the blunt reality that a prisoner has no one to turn to behind these walls, and it is in these desperate times of loneliness and soul-searching that one may think he “finds God."However, God never left, never moved away—we did, and we spend most of our days living beside ourselves, drifting farther from our true home.  He is just waiting for us to come back home.  He knows our pain and hurt and failures, but He waits for us to bring it all to Him.  Truthfully, you cannot find something that has never been lost; discovery comes into play when we “find” out what has been missing in our lives all along.The parable of the prodigal son (found in Luke 15:11-32) serves the same life lesson as the parable of the prodigal inmate. “Prodigal,” which means radically extravagant, describes the person who behaves with reckless abandon.  Hence, it is fair to conclude that we inmates have been prodigal in our actions, which landed us where we are today.  However, for most, the parable of the prodigal inmate leaves off where the parable of the prodigal son begins: beside themselves and lost!In the story of the prodigal son, the son left his father’s home, where he was well provided for; but he realized that he was lost, that he was lacking in the world, and that he needed to turn back to his father.  What changed? The parable tells us: “But when he came to himself . . . ” (Luke 15:17).The prodigal son “came to himself”—finally realizing that he was the one who was lost, and that he needed to return home.  Home—where his father was waiting, where his father had always been and had never left. The prodigal inmate does not “find God”—we find ourselves hurting and realize God is the only one who will help in the time of need.  Confined or free, we must have this prodigal attitude, radically extravagant, and with reckless abandon admit that we are the ones who are lost.  When we finally “come to ourselves,” we must arise and go to our Father and say to Him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son” (Luke 15:21).My View Apart is no longer experiencing life “beside myself,” but in drawing ever closer to that which was never lost.  And I did so by coming back to myself and back to God, who never left.  I missed the first 25 years of my life, living beside myself and prodigal for the wrong reasons; but now confined and at peace, I must be prodigal for Christ. I am His son: I was dead and am alive; I was lost and now am found (Luke 15:24).(Book #1 of the Core Conviction Series--Imprisoned by Peace)