the DISSERVICE of COMFORT

Here I sit on my comfortable couch with a 55-inch flat screen tv in front of me and my state of the art MacBook on top of me. I just controlled the lighting to my liking and before I go any further—please excuse me—I’m going to grab a quick drink and snack from the fridge…Okay, I’m back now, still comfortable, but at a loss for words to type. And I’m humbly reminded how this is the complete opposite of how I used to write while in prison.  Yet I never had an ounce of trouble writing a full page of deep thoughts graciously surrounded by peace in the midst of so much chaos and so little comfort.Back then, I typed on an antiquated Word Processor, positioned on an empty box on my bed.  The box  (often pulled from the trash) was used to elevate the machine in order for me not to slouch while typing.  My bed served as my desktop, and there was nowhere to place my knees, as my plastic green chair would be tucked up against the metal frame of my bed.   And instead of having a wall or TV in front of me, the view ahead was beds and bodies coupled with constant commotion and verbal pollution. Yet oddly, I was never at a loss for words and I actually wrote a blog a day for close to 5 years.Now I struggle to write just 2 blogs a week, even as I sit in comfort.People ask me all the time if I have nightmares about my time in prison.  I don’t correct them, though I’d like to say—“you mean my time in freedom?” You see sadly, you never really know peace until you feel chaos. You never come to see the beauty of liberty until it’s experienced through the ugliness of confinement. And it was in prison where I knew true comfort because of true discomfort.I readjust myself on this couch and realize how comfort is actually a spiritual disservice. I’m at a loss for words because in this comfort it seems as if my words are getting lost.  I mean, they are inside of me, but they are so contrary to my comfortable setting.  All of my needs are being met by me.  Such a controlled environment:  I control the lighting ….I control the temperature… I control the TV…I control what I’m going to eat and when….These are my struggling thoughts, because they are not finding their peace through any struggle. Yep! I miss being so pressed in the midst of confusion because this present comfort seems like nothing more than a spiritual distraction.