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Soccer pro Matt Maher didn't consider himself a killer as he sat in a holding cell a few hours after his Cadillac hit a minivan.Sure, he'd been drinking. Yes, he was speeding. But he knew his passenger was safe, and although the minivan had flipped, he'd seen its occupants standing on the road. So it was surprising to overhear a dispatcher describe the condition of a crash victim with a word that a motorist in a jail cell never wants to hear:"Deceased.""Impossible!" Maher said last week as he recalled his reaction back then for a teen audience in Washington Township. "The weight of that word meant I would always be 'that guy: a killer.' "It was a powerful, 40-minute message about redemption, the second high school speech he would deliver that day about a tragic mistake that led him to devote his life to preventing similar tragedies. A speech that morning inspired cheers in Emerson, where 18-year-old Stephanie Morgan was killed last April in a crash involving a teen-driven car. The audience for the afternoon talk would be all girls, some of them novice drivers whose code of conduct had conditioned them never to take the liberties that Maher once took.Would Immaculate Heart Academy embrace a convicted drunken driver recently released from prison after four years and seven months for killing a father of six on the Atlantic City Expressway? Sure. Maher's talk was less about drunken driving and more about responsibility in and out of a car."Do you gossip? If one of your friends causes pain, do you look the other way?" he asked. "Do you make excuses? If your friend is leaving with the wrong guy, do you say something? Or can you put yourself in the victim's shoes?"By all accounts, Maher was a role model prior to the fatal crash of March 7, 2009. A rising indoor soccer star for the Philadelphia Kixx, he had been an honor student at Middle Township High School and had won a full scholarship to Temple University in Philadelphia, where he earned a degree in business administration. His father, John, was the police chief of Lower Township before becoming the executive undersheriff of Cape May County.Only a knee injury six days before the crash threatened to impede the younger Maher's ascent as a pro athlete. The injury was serious enough to require surgery. Feeling sorry for himself, he visited a few restaurants with a friend. At one point, a bartender who also was an injured former soccer player set up rounds of shots."I drank five," Maher told the girls. After downing the alcohol, he tried to drive home.A police report said his Cadillac Escalade was going 100 mph when he hit the minivan. Hort Kap, a 55-year-old Cambodian refugee who had fled the Khmer Rouge in 1980 for a better life in Philadelphia, didn't survive the impact. He was one of 123 people killed in alcohol-related crashes in New Jersey in 2009. Maher, then 24, was one of 30 surviving drivers of such crashes to score high enough on a blood-alcohol-concentration test to be charged with vehicular manslaughter.Suddenly, repairing the torn meniscus in his knee was the least of his worries. If you ask him what he was thinking, you get what seems like an honest answer. "I wasn't thinking," he said, followed by more honesty: "There is no excuse for what I did. None.He realized he had to own it. Given that he couldn't bring back his victim, he would try to prevent others from becoming victims. That meant more than simply taking responsibility for the crash. It meant taking responsibility for everything he'd ever done or would do. It meant showing his family he was sorry he had let them down. It meant giving something to others, especially the Kap family.Apologies sound like simple expressions that must be offered to win a lenient sentence. They're not. While in the Mid-State Correctional Facility in Burlington County, inmates told Maher he was crazy to apologize. Apologies, after all, showed weakness, they said. But not for the high-achieving son of a cop."It was all I thought of," he said. More than shame? More than spending as much as 10 years in jail, reporting to a parole officer and giving regular urine samples? More than driving with an ignition interlock?""Yes" to all.He also seems to have won the support of the Kaps, who now join the Mahers in an anti-drunken-driving crusade run by the South Jersey Traffic Safety Alliance. and supported by the State Farm Insurance Co.The alliance was impressed when the former soccer pro opted not to fight for a light sentence. It signed him up for speaking engagements. More than 30 talks

Before he went to prison, he gave more than 30 anti-drunken-driving speeches, mostly to kids. They served as a proxy for the apology he wanted to offer the Kaps, but could not because defendants are advised to stay clear of their victims. When sentencing day came, however, Maher went off-script. "It was cathartic," he said. "Part of the burden was lifted."But it would never disappear. He next faced a new reality: Serving time. No more pretty speeches. Only rubbing shoulders each day with mostly angry men in an intimidating environment devoid of privacy. Hardest of all: living responsibly amid chaosCould he look the other way when he heard of a plot to set up a fellow inmate for a fight, then rob him of his cigarette-filled trunk when guards hauled him away?No, he couldn't. But blowing the whistle on inmates — "my friends," he said — would be risky. Luckily, another inmate-friend saw things his way — Little John, a former mob enforcer."John weighs 330 pounds," Maher told the plaid-skirted girls of Immaculate Heart. "John goes down there, picks up the trunk, carries it to me and sits on it."When other inmates cried foul, John explained that, "This is the way Matt wants it." Few dared to cross Little John, but one inmate reminded Maher that, "This is the way people get hurt here.""Why would you do this?" one inmate asked Little John.The big man grunted a one-word answer: "Integrity.""It means doing the right thing even when nobody's looking," said Maher. "You stop your friends from doing things they'll regret. Tell them to text later, not in the car. And if you must take chances, make sure you can pay the price."When he was done, the cheers at Immaculate Heart Academy rivaled the earlier din at Emerson High. Similar reactions are expected soon at high schools in Bogota and Wayne. Email: cichowski@northjersey.com

I am sitting on my comfortable couch with a 55-inch flat screen TV in front of me. I just controlled the lighting to my liking and before I go any further, please excuse me, I’m going to grab a quick drink and snack from the fridge.Okay, I’m back now, still comfortable, but at a loss for words to type. And I’m humbly reminded how this is the complete opposite of how I used to write while in prison. There I never had an ounce of trouble writing a full page of deep thoughts graciously surrounded by peace in the midst of so much chaos and so little comfort.Back then, I typed on an antiquated word processor, positioned on an empty box on my bed. The box, (often pulled from the trash), was used to elevate the machine to keep me from slouching while typing. My bed served as my desktop, and there was nowhere to place my knees, as my plastic green chair would be tucked up against the metal frame of my bed.  And instead of having a wall or TV in front of me, the view ahead was beds and bodies coupled with constant commotion and verbal pollution.Yet oddly, there, I was never at a loss for words and actually wrote a blog a day for almost five years as well as my monthly Prison Talk column. Now, out here, I struggle to write just two blogs a week, even as I sit in comfort.People ask me all the time if I have nightmares about my time in prison. I don’t correct them, though I’d like to say—“You mean my time in freedom?” You see sadly, you never really know peace until you feel chaos. You never come to see the beauty of liberty until it’s experienced through the ugliness of confinement. And it was there, in prison, where I knew true comfort because of true discomfort.I readjust myself on this couch and realize how comfort is actually a spiritual disservice. I’m at a loss for words because in this comfort it seems as if my words are getting lost. I mean, they are inside of me, but they are so contrary to my comfortable setting.  All of my needs are being met by me. Such a controlled environment: I control the lighting; I control the temperature; I control the TV; I control what I’m going to eat and when.These are my struggling thoughts, because they are not finding their peace through any struggle. Yep. I miss being so pressed in the midst of confusion because this present comfort seems like nothing more than a spiritual distraction.  Matthew Maher is a former professional athlete and author of the newly released book U MAY B THE ONLY BIBLE SOMEBODY READS: R U LEGIBLE? His “Decisions Determine Destiny” assemblies are funded by State Farm and service youth in the tri-state area. He served four years and seven months in N.J. State prison and was released August 2014. You can learn more at www.themattmaherstory.com, where his blogs have been read by over 500,000 people in every state, 121 countries, and in 67 different languages. Follow him on Twitter @mattmaherstory and on Instagram @matthewmaher7

In the past few months, I can’t count how many times I have heard people say,  “This world is falling apart.” With terrorist attacks, the pure evil of ISIS, mass murders, and the common news report of chaos and disaster, though it is terrible, I want to respond that it is actually biblical.Please allow me to clarify. This world is not falling apart, it’s falling into place. As time moves forward, it is written that man will move backwards. Jesus Himself predicted the momentum of this age when He said, “And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. All these things are the beginning of sorrows” (Matthew 24:6-8).And the beginning of sorrows is the beginning of birth pains. As time unfolds, the contractions get closer and closer, leading up to the unexpected birth. I’m not trying to predict the end times and the return of Jesus as He declared it. No one knows that but God Himself. But I am writing to remind us about the biblical stability of these unstable times. And if God isn’t moved by the events of our day, then as long as I am with God, I shouldn’t be moved either. Not politically. Not emotionally. Only biblically and spiritually.Conversely, I remember a time when it felt as if my own world had fallen apart. Actually, it did by way of complete implosion. My personal and reckless decision to drink and drive had not only made the terrible news, but it had caused two different worlds of people to tragically collide and suddenly flip upside down. Yet the same concept has found itself to be true even in my own small world. Through the same birth analogy that Jesus creatively used, I discovered that as my world felt like it was falling apart, I learned that it was ultimately falling into place. And it was my faith in a sovereign God that instigated my belief system and was the sole reason I was able to find peace in the midst of unstable times.As biblical prophecy goes, times are only going to get worse. The contractions will only pick up pace. And with that understanding, my question is, “Do you know if your personal world is falling apart or falling into place?”However, the only way for your pieces to find their rightful place on your puzzle is if you tap into the peace of God that can only be discovered in the Bible. Don’t put off the decision to trust God with your life until the world gets better or safer. It’s not going to happen.There is no better time than during the season that celebrates the birth of a Savior—the Prince of Peace—to find true peace and freedom regardless of what takes place around us. [Matthew Maher is a former professional athlete and author of the newly-released book U MAY B THE ONLY BIBLE SOMEBODY READS: R U LEGIBLE? His “Decisions Determine Destiny” assemblies are funded by State Farm and service youth in the tri-state area. He served four years and seven months in N.J. state prison and was released August 2014. You can learn more at www.themattmaherstory.com, where his blogs have been read by over 500,000 people in every state, 121 countries, and in 67 different languages. Follow him on Twitter @mattmaherstory and on Instagram @matthewmaher7]

Trouble is never a welcomed guest in a home, and when this unwanted visitor barges its way through the door, the surroundings become uncomfortable, real fast. It is during those times that we are quick to turn to God in prayer asking Him to remove the problem—PLEASE! However, one thing I have learned, God will never take us out of our trouble until we allow Him to take the trouble out of us. Once the trouble is removed, God goes on the move through us.In fact, God looks to use our troubles as a passport to bring His state of grace into contact with every person, state or place. This has become more literal for me lately, as I am being blessed with diverse opportunities to speak all over the states, places like California, Nebraska, Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and wherever the call comes from.Needless to say, it’s an honor to be “called” to other places to do God’s work. Since my incarceration, the words of Jesus burn in my heart, “I must be about My Father’s business.” Since it is the family business and my Employer owns, ummmm, everything in the world and beyond, I’m pretty sure I’ll always have job security under His authority. Not only job security, but longevity and even an eternal pension. You can’t compete with such spiritual benefits--“Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits, the God of our salvation!” (Psalm 68:19).Who would have ever imagined that all the pain and adversity in my life would become the catalyst to purpose and ministry? Not many actually. And that is why you only need to know the One who controls it all sovereignly. God knew.Again and more bluntly put, God ordains even trouble to be the telescope that brings Him into clearer view for those who are lost in space. Meaning, what gets the attention of the nonbeliever more than anything else? When Gods children suffer successfully, accrediting all peace to God through the tragedy. What else? When circumstances that normally swallow people up like a black hole, actually become the conditions that cause one to shine like a bright star. God uses the holes in our life to allow His light to shine through--the more broken; the more open.   Darkness is a prerequisite to seeing the shining stars. “Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the firmament, and those who turn many to righteousness like the stars forever and ever” (Daniel 12:3).So if you are going through any of life’s afflictions, please know that God desires to bring others to Him through your example of faith as you face the affliction. Consider how the Roman soldier, at the foot of the cross, came to know Jesus was Savior as he uttered these words “Truly, this was the Son of God” (Matthew 27:54). What did he see Jesus do? Die? No. He saw Him suffer successfully, as the cross that hung Him became the canvas that magnified Him.I caused my own trouble, but the trouble I caused is now the ticket that God is willing to use to take His grace and mercy into the hearts of others. I hope that encourages you to bear your pain, don’t look to numb it or run from it. For your greatest purpose is discovered in your greatest pain. [Matthew Maher is a former professional athlete and author of the newly released book U MAY B THE ONLY BIBLE SOMEBODY READS: R U LEGIBLE? His “Decisions Determine Destiny” assemblies are funded by State Farm and service youth in the tri-state area. He served four years and seven months in N.J. state prison and was released August 2014. You can learn more at www.themattmaherstory.com, where his blogs have been read by over 500,000 people in every state, 121 countries, and in 67 different languages. Follow him on Twitter @mattmaherstory and on Instagram @matthewmaher7]

 have always been a people watcher. As a little kid, I remember going to a Phillies game and using the binoculars to scope out the people sitting right behind me in the stands instead of watching the game. My brothers would grab me by my shoulders, tell me I was being rude, and turn me around to face the field.I haven’t changed much since then as my most favorite places to people watch are in airports, malls, city streets, and up on the boardwalk where I live. I am fascinated by the many different idiosyncrasies and personalities that I observe.Most recently, I was sitting in a mall waiting for my wife to finish shopping and my little hobby once again kicked in. But this time, I found myself thinking about the major cultural shift that has occurred during the five years I was locked away from society.I now notice a common thread everywhere I go and it runs through all types of people, both young and old. It seems everyone is preoccupied with the same device:  the cell phone.It’s eyes down and fingers tapping. It’s connecting to a virtual community by being totally disconnected to the reality of the people in their presence. There is hardly any interaction, nothing to watch, just people staring blankly into their device: Scrolling and tapping, mindlessly zoned-out. Don’t get me wrong—I saw me in that crowd. I have quickly adapted and been sucked into the “dead-zone” of my iPhone and I feel the strain of having it attached to my hip. I guess it is my love for people watching that has opened my own eyes.The bing’ing sound of my phone has such control over me, because when it beckons me to come by way of notifications, alerts, or reminders, I go without hesitation. And the more I know what’s going on within the social media world of my phone, the less I know what’s going on within my own personal world. Sadly, my wife and I can be sitting on the same sofa within reach of each other and because of our device and its inviting apps, we can be so out of touch.  So here is my public confession: I am consciously working on disconnecting (or should I say withdrawing—since that is how strong the addiction to this habit really is), as I desire to re-connect with the people around me.As a youth leader, I can attest that now more than ever before, this generation (which I have previously called the iGENERATION) is the most technologically connected yet the most spiritually and emotionally disconnected. The world on our phones has made us numb to the world at hand that is right before our eyes.I can spend more time posting a picture with a thought provoking faith message or Bible verse than actually being that picture in person and living out that verse to the next person. It ought not to be.Am I saying we shouldn’t use our handheld devices? No. Use away. But I am saying we should never allow a possession to possess us. Essentially, I can use my phone however and whenever I want; but if it’s not benefiting me or blessing those around me, then I need to have the self-control to put it down.I want to remind us to put away the phone from time to time and take time to “scroll” through God’s Word or “tap” into our family’s heart. Get personal. Hey, the people around us may not beep when they want our attention, but God designed every soul to crave fellowship with Him and others. It’s a given and no app can tell you that.