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Recently I was teaching at my church on the topic of “hope in light of hopeless circumstances.” Naturally, I was telling parts of my own story, particularly what was going through my mind after finding out that I was responsible for an at-fault, drunken driving accident where an innocent man was killed.I was using my experiences to highlight the power of God in our lives, especially when all seems so hopeless.My parents were in church that day. After church was over, my mom was turning in a ‘response card’ to one of the ushers. The woman collecting the cards looked up after seeing my last name on the card and asked, “Are you Matt’s mother?” My mom said when she replied yes, the woman immediately got choked up. She explained that through the entire sermon, as a mother, she was wondering about Matt’s mom, and what she must have been thinking when she got the bad news.Did she think his life was over? Did she feel her family could ever recover from such a blow?Could she imagine that one day this same son would be in a vibrant church teaching from the pulpit?Could she ever see this moment in the sorrow?I have to admit all those same questions resonated in my mind as I once again was blessed to be at the annual “Matt’s Stocking Ministry Wrapping Party,” which recently provided gifts for over 200 local families in need.You see, the memory of Matt Lassor will always bring me back to God’s hand in my life. Matt was killed at the innocent age of 12-years-old in 1997. He was a close childhood friend of mine. When Matt died, I was 13, and I remember in my sorrow and confusion how I could still see all of the lives that were affected and pointed to Christ by his life and, now, even in legacy. It was all those years back, that I prayed this specific prayer: “God take my life and use it like Matt’s, even if it means taking my life." I had no idea of the depth of my prayer at the time, until I was in prison and God brought Matt and this prayer back into my mind.So, as I attended the Matt’s Stocking wrapping party, I couldn’t help but watch Matt’s mom, April Lassor, with her beautiful smiling face. I wondered if she could ever have seen that moment when she received the gut-wrenching news of Matt’s death. Did she think she could ever smile again? Did she question how she would go on? Could she visualize the impact her son’s short life on this earth would have on so many people, even this many years later?And so during this Christmas season, one more mother comes to mind. This mother bore a baby with the promise of Kingship. Yet, years later, she found herself standing at the foot of a cross looking up at the broken, battered, lifeless body of her beloved Son. Could she ever have known that He would conquer the grave in three days? At that moment, could her mind and heart comprehend fully the hope and salvation His death would usher in for all of mankind?So the reminder is: No matter what circumstances you find yourself in, never underestimate the power of God to make beauty from our ashes; for Him to rebuild hope from hopelessness; for Him to birth new life out of seeming death; for Him to paint the perfect picture of redemption with the colors of affliction.Never lose sight, no matter what you are facing, of God’s sovereign hand on and over our lives.

Well, January did not start the way I had hoped. The bitterly cold weather only heightened the fact that I began the New Year under the weather, with an unknown virus that had stolen my sleep, and fatigued my body for days. Meetings were postponed, and ministry work was put on hold.So instead of hitting the New Year running as I had originally planned, my unexpected physical condition knocked me to my knees. Interesting isn't it?Perhaps therein lies the lesson that came in loud and clear as I wrestled with my obvious derailed plans.God reminded me, through it all, that my "best foot forward" needs to be the one that begins on my knees. I admit, I probably would not have been so still, at rest, and conscious of prayer had I not been knocked out with this flu. It is that realization that is warming my soul.I am reminded of the part of Psalm 30:5 that states, "Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning." This temporary setback had me also thinking about the many people who face every day in a weakened condition, perhaps fighting a debilitating disease or an emotional trauma, and yet muster everything within them to get up and face the day.  Every day. Many even displaying joy in the process. Joy you say? How do they do it? I believe they endure through with a perspective of purpose.You see, joy is not a natural emotion, but an inward manifestation of a spiritual condition. I learned that personally through the many years I spent caged up in the depressing atmosphere of prison, yet I was able to maintain an inner joy and peace. With true joy as the medicine to the spirit, no adverse set of circumstances can steal it.I am still feeling the effects of this cold, but these lessons have warmed my soul. God never brings us to a place of discomfort without providing for us a greater comfort in Himself.I thought nothing good had been accomplished over those weak, exhausting days, yet after re-reading these thoughts, I am reminded that God is in the business of using everything we go through as the means necessary to grow us in Him; to open our eyes to see Him and our ears to hear Him; and to nudge our hearts to remind us of Who He is.It is in those truths that I once again remember where true rest resides, not only for my body but for my soul.

I don’t know about you, but for me this is true: I so easily take for granted what God has given me. And it is usually in the process of losing the gift that you finally realize the value of the gift.It has been said, “You don’t really know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” And I have often said, “Whatever you devalue you eventually lose.”Now, perhaps you can relate to what I am saying because you have experienced these platitudes from personal experience. Perhaps you have lost something or someone because you took it or them for granted. Perhaps the regret feels permanent, or the “thing” lost seems irreplaceable. It just may be that way.But God.

You see, when you add God to any situation, equation, or relation, you are throwing off the odds of impossibility and entering into the arena of the miraculous.With God, all things are possible. In other words, no matter the item lost, years wasted, the talent misused, or the person taken for granted, God can restore the years eaten by the locust (Joel 2:25). And not only does He restore years, but also, He realigns our heart -- so we can better see the gross error of devaluing what is valuable, or in some cases, that which was invaluable.  

For many, it may be too late because that season has passed, or that person is long gone, but nothing is wasteful to a God is who faithful. He takes everything, and I mean everything, and He uses it to re-frame our focus and get us to look more like Jesus.He wants our perspective to be constantly appreciative with what He has given us, and He wants our character to take the shape of Jesus.So how do we do this? 

Ultimately, it is when we entrust our lives (and everything attached to our lives) to God’s hands that we are trusting His hands to be safer than our best-intended plans.I know all that I am, and all that He has given me is better off given back to Him to govern for His glory. But I also know how hard this “casting” back to Him can be.Why? Because I am plagued with the mentality where my focus, without Jesus, is me-centered. When the “me in me” wins, others always lose. 
The Apostle Paul wrote, “I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20). And therein lies the loud secret of losing yourself to gain God Himself. The “me in me” dies hard, however, and declares civil war on soil that is already pioneered by Christ. I know this, yet how many times do I fail to give this struggle to Jesus?Which leaves me taking my life, and everything in my life, back into my own dead hands. Dead hands cannot grasp the value of that which they hold.

So I pray, “Lord, I give You my life to hold, and I ask for You to give me Your hands to behold this life. Amen."

(Actual Column Online) Many people will agree that there isn’t a more confused, bipolar month, than March. The familiar saying goes, “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.” For me, the month will always conjure up a pent-up series of emotions that I will live with forever.It’s hard to believe it’s been nine years, since one isolated decision, caused two worlds to implode. Two families caught off guard by tragic news of loss.My recklessness came with a priceless cost. I can’t pay it back. I can’t take it back. I can’t wake up and be back…back where I could make a totally different choice.  Back where I can choose not to drink and drive.  Those thoughts are delusional because going backward is impossible.Isolated decisions, which take nothing else into consideration except selfishness, always lead to isolation. Isolated emotions. Isolated by pain. Isolated into problems. Or physically isolated by prison or a program.Selfish decisions in life never just affect you. They affect everyone directly or indirectly attached to you. They even infect your reputation and other people’s expectations of you.It’s been nine years since that isolated decision made me an intern to humiliation. My skin still crawls when I think about what I caused, but my spirit remains strong because there is no effect without a cause.I’ve made countless decisions since that dreadful night of March 7, 2009, and they too have impacted countless individuals.  But they are not isolated decisions anymore that only consider self. They are regulated decisions that consider life over self. My gauge: How can I infuse life? How can I inspire hope? How can I stand up and influence others toward a moral good?  Regardless of circumstances. Regardless of popularity. Regardless of what I’ve done. How can I live in such a way so as to point to God's only begotten Son?I’m learning more and more that the true measure of a man or woman is not found in what they do, or even what they’ve done. The true measure is determined by how they respond to trials in spite of what they do or what’s been done.Faith can only be navigated through testing. Hate it or love it, God allows it because He loves us and He is unwilling to leave us in the same condition He found us.My heart and prayers remain with the Kap family. "Thank you for your forgiveness and support."